Odin And Depression

 There’s a reason I’m a still Heathen. It’s far from perfect, but it never claims to be. Part of that strength come from acknowledging our own shortcomings and working to improve them, both as individuals and as a community. Which is why I chose to write today about something our community doesn’t like to talk about. I think it is pretty well known in the community regarding Odin and depression. Yes Odin, king of Asgard, glorious lord of battle, and master of poets, wrestles with those same inner demons. Throughout the Lore, Odin regularly struggles with issues that those of us who’ve had to cope with depression can all recognize. The Allfather is not a happy person by nature. Time and again we see him weighed down by regret, and burdened by the weight of fates he cannot control. As his story progresses, this constant struggle changes him as a person. He becomes more and more cynical, eying the world with less hope and more skepticism.

Though some people are not able to understand truly what depression entails, as it isn't always just sadness. It is a lot more than that. It's being perfectly happy one moment, then sad the next. It is the constant darkness that surrounds you, edging in ever closer, waiting for the smallest of emotional weakness to sink it's fangs into your existence. Sometimes, it is the mere failure to feel anything at all, not sadness, happiness, or anything in between. Waking up to your alarm in the morning and not finding the strength nor desire to even get up because you can't find a point to it all, constantly questioning the meaning of life and why try.

It's a rabbit hole that only you yourself can pull out of, but when you can't find the motivation to get out of bed, how in Hel do you think you can conquer something as horrid as depression? A book called "Man's Search for Meaning"  by Viktor Frankl is an autobiography from a Jewish man who survived a German concentration camp. He details the utter hopelessness that seemed to dictate the lives of the prisoners. However, he makes a very strong and real point. If he did not try to find meaning, if he did not try to find a reason to keep going, then he would have been one of those who died. He states "The point is to realize man shouldn't ask the meaning of life, but to be able to answer the questions life has for him." This hits home for me, because I never really thought about it that way. It also makes sense. You have to take charge of your life, and you are both your first and last line of defense in life. It's hard. Getting up everyday. Fighting against that constant voice in your head that tells you that you're not good enough, that second guesses your every move. It only gets worse when outside forces come into play. Fired from your job, loved one dies, a breakup, all things that kick you down, but if you're willing to work towards bettering yourself and your situation, at least when life kicks you in the ass you'll have some kind of foundation to fall on.

That is what Depression looks like. Or at the very least what it CAN look like. Imagine that your mind is an internal combustion engine, and you only have so much fuel to get you through the day. Each task, or interaction, costs you so much fuel until at the end of the day you run out of gas and go to bed. Your average person can choose to devote their resources as they see fit and ration them out to make sure they last until they can ‘refuel’. Now imagine that you can’t turn off the engine. Now you have to spend resources to get things done, but in-between tasks your engine is still idling, burning fuel. Even more distressing is the fact that you can’t even properly ‘refuel’. You can never top off the tank, because your engine never stops.

So what does the Allfather teach us about coping with these issues? It’s sure as Hel not that we need to just ‘Man up and get over it’. Odin never lacked for strength of will. Depression isn’t a symptom of weakness. When just convincing yourself to get out of bed in the morning is a feat, and every interaction with your peers feels like a trial by fire, but you still have to get up and do it anyway, there is no part of that that is WEAK. No, Odin shows us how to find a different kind of strength. He doesn’t find some kind of miraculous magical cure, because there isn’t one. Instead he fights a war on two fronts every day, battling both the enemies without and within. So where does he get the strength to confront this? 

Kith & Kin

It is always easier to fight for those we love than it is to fight for ourselves. We’ve all seen it. How often have we all let an insult roll off our back only to find that ‘last straw’ when we hear our loved ones attacked? Even when it would be such a simple thing to just give up because we don’t have the energy spare on giving a crap, when family calls (blood or otherwise) we find a way. We all have people who rely on us. Spouses who deserve a functional partner. Children who depend on us for life. Parents who gave everything they had so that we could flourish. Friends who need to know they can call on us when times are hard, because they would do the same for us. That’s why it is so especially heinous to see these people being berated and belittled by those who should be their source of strength and inspiration. These people mustered up the strength of will to face the world, and then the courage to ask for help from their fellows, only to be called weak by the very thing that should be helping them to carry on. When we see those among our community asking for help, the last thing they need to hear is ‘Get over it’. 

The gods help those who help themselves. So I urge anyone here, depression or otherwise, to always, like the Allfather Odin, to expand your horizons. To better yourself as much as you can. To strive for what you want and what you want to achieve. Greatness? Go for it. Envision your dream and take it. Are you modest and rather have a humble home and simple life? All yours if you're willing to work for it. If the Norns had total and complete direction of our fates then Odin wouldn't even bother gathering an army for Ragnarock. So take your fate by the horns, and guide your life the way you want it to be.

The proper answer is right there in our own tradition. 

“You are wanted, you are needed, and you are accepted as you are.”